Lately I've realized that I spend more of my time spinning my wheels than I do actually getting anywhere, and the frustration I have felt as a result of all of this wheel spinning has seeped into every aspect of my life. This ever present frustration is causing me to feel stress over teensy little things that really should never even make it to my "real" radar. So I've finally decided that it's time for this to change.
I really do have a lot of neat attributes that make me an interesting person - but the AHDH chaos of my day-to-day life makes me hide these things beneath the ever-growing pile of "to-do's" on my work-a-day white board list. In fact, most people who meet me now never see the witty, happy, free-spirited person that I was just a few short years ago. Instead, what they meet is the hunched over, coffee gulping, finger tapping, leg bouncing, gotta get it done monster that took over my former self's body. I mean seriously, some days there just isn't enough Adderall in the whole world to calm the inner monster in me down.
I remember there was a time when I had oodles of time on my hands, and I had no regrets over how I spent that time. If I decided I wanted to go out after work and dance and drink until my legs or my guts couldn't take it anymore I made no bones about doing that very thing. There were days when I swear I wasn't even sobered up yet when it was time to go to work again - but those days are long gone and have since been replaced by the incessant need to constantly be doing something productive. Little projects around the house were the first things that started vampiring my time away. A flower garder here, a painted wall there...
Before long, it was crafting. I needed to have some outlet to make me feel like my time was being well spent. But I'm really not that creative when it comes to arts and crafts - I can copy other's ideas, but really I don't have any of my own. So crafting started to become more of a drag than an outlet for free time. Yet... somehow the lure of Michael's or Joanne's still called to me. Trust me. If you look at any of my closets, you will see that I likely have thousands of dollars worth of crafting equipment. I even lent my Cricuit to a lady in one of my sewing classes and forgot about it. It's a sickness I think.
Crafting led to baking. If I can't do something with paper, I can definitely do it with sugar and butter and flour. I am a great cook and I love to bake... so naturally when I decided to get married I had to learn how to make my own wedding cake. And here I went again... hundreds if not a thousand or two dollars later, I have pans and gadgets and gizmos - yet since I can no longer fit into my cute clothes, baking is off limits to me. Since I can't bake - maybe I should sew?
I signed up for sewing classes and like the class suck up made 8 quilts where everone else was lucky to have finished one. Now I own a sewing machine and all sorts of gadgets and gizmos and fabric galore, but I haven't finished a sewing project in months.
So here's my deal - I've decided that after this month I will start working on my projects again. Why am I giving myself the rest of the month off? Because we need to finish moving out of the old house so that I can clean and repair it to rent it out. I think it'll take three more weekends of little projects and it'll be ready to pawn off on some other poor unsuspecting schmuck! bwahahahahaha.
Then all the gadgets and gizmos at my new house better be prepared for the return of the old me! White board or no... I will get these projects out of my head for once and for all!