Thank you to Placement - Part Three - and the last one for this year!

Dear Rachel,

Well… I’m a couple of days late writing this email as Liam actually turned three on Saturday, but seeing as how he is the middle child and everything associated with him has been late I reckon I’m actually right on time. Come to think of it, since we didn’t have him placed with us at birth, technically, I’m writing this on the anniversary of him coming to us… yes… that’s my story and maybe I’ll stick with that for now. If you’re buying that line I may have some property to… yeah… I’m not buying it either. ;)

I’m writing this today after having realized that my work clothes are covered in banana slime right below my waist. It took me a few minutes to figure out what all this schmootz was on my shirt before I remembered that as I was dropping my monsters off at school today Liam decided he wanted one last hug. He joyfully ran to me with arms wide open and a half smooshed banana in one hand, a handful of sticky raspberry cereal bar in the other (we were running late – don’t judge me too harshly for the choice of breakfast foods today) and a mouth covered with a messy mixture of both before burying his face in my tummy and giving me the best hug ever. I didn’t realize that he covered me with sticky as he was covering me with his hugs – but these are the best badges of honor a mommy can wear!

My messy shirt got me thinking though. My relationship with Liam is characterized by chaos. I should have known that was how it was going to be based on the phone call you made to place him with me… I was bathing Tiffany and Warren when I got a text message from Sherri Dirmann telling me that I needed to answer the phone when it rang because placement would be calling with MY baby. I was kind of going through a blue spell because we had just found out that Tiffany would be leaving us to go to a different foster home in a different county, and I had gotten used to having two kiddos around. Sherri and I had just talked a day or two before about how awesome it would be if we had a boy placed with us since Evan tends to have an easier time relating to boys. You called her first, but they weren’t ready and she knew I was. And that’s how Liam came to be with our family – at the end of a chaotic day, in the middle of a chaotic placement, and with a full complement of chaos in his own case.

Liam was a tiny little thing when he came to us. Teensy tiny. Even the preemie clothes were huge on him. But he was full of energy and never slept. And while he was only with us for four days that first time, it was enough for him to take up permanent residence in my heart. When the judge reunified him with his birth mom I just about died inside. And I can freely admit to that even though it goes against all of my good training as a foster parent – because we are supposed to want our kids to go back to their family of origin – and I usually do. But with Liam, I knew in my heart that it was not going to be a permanent move back, that he was not going to be safe, that it was a legal process because the judge had to work within the confines of the law and at the time there simply was not enough evidence to justify keeping him sheltered, and that knowledge killed me. For four weeks I wondered about him, I kept my eyes open whenever I passed the places his parents usually were known to frequent, I dreamt of him, and I worried. We had several calls for placement during that time, but I knew in my heart that Liam would eventually come back to us, and even though I knew there were other children who needed me right then I also knew that Liam would need me forever. And so we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Until Erica finally called me one day and said that they had taken him back into custody and asked me would I come meet her to pick him up.

The life of a foster parent is such a strange life. Liam’s case reinforced that for me in so many ways because his case was the first case where we had significant involvement with the biological family – most of my other kids’ parents had either disappeared, were incarcerated or were so significantly mentally ill as to have been completely incapacitated. It’s hard to have great joy and triumph when your children experience their milestones when you know that their families are missing out on those experiences. I’d never had to think about that before, but with Liam I always had those thoughts in the back of my head. I also had a lot of fear because he had so many medical issues in the beginning.

Figuring out his feeding problems led to his breathing problems was scary. Being sent to a cardiologist because he kept turning blue was enough to almost stop my own heart. Sitting with him in the hospital for a week as they tested and poked and prodded and stuck him more times than I care to remember was torture – for him as well as for me. Being told that he was significantly delayed by multiple specialists and then having the FASD and autism labels thrown at us was daunting – but through all of that and through all of the ups and downs of his case, he was a fighter and a sweet boy and always so super smiley and wonderful. I wouldn’t have cared if they had told me he had three heads and was part alien – he had already stolen my heart.

Last night as I was getting him ready for bed I got a text message from one of his former teachers who had sent me a picture of him with her saying “Miss my little cutie pie.” She hasn’t been his teacher in a year, but she still misses him every day too. I’m telling you – there’s just something about this little boy that melts hearts! And he calls me mommy. That’s the best part!

He’s as stubborn as the day is long and can give you a glare that will cut you to the bone when he’s angry. He also will most definitely let you know when he’s not happy about a decision you’ve made. He finds more ways to make messes and get into trouble (though I think his brother probably has a little to do with some of it and just hasn’t gotten busted yet), but when he turns on that million megawatt charm he can turn any situation into a funny little moment. So while my poor little middle child definitely suffers from middlechildosis and has to deal with his bigger brother sucking up all the oxygen in the room and his little sister stealing all of his toys, he somehow manages to have the biggest smile and the sloppiest kisses and the heart of gold that makes me know he is somehow going to overcome anything life every throws at him.

Rachael, I am so glad you made that phone call three years ago. I find myself with sticky handprints on my clothes and with lots of little messes to clean up throughout the day most days, but I simply could not imagine my life without Liam in it. He’s given me so many little memories over the last three years and has challenged me every single day to be a better person and for that I am beyond grateful. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for my son!

Love,

Heather Rosenberg

Thank You Letter to Placement Part Deux

My Dear Tenille,

Two years ago tomorrow you called me. Do you remember it like I do? You may not have it etched in memory in quite the fine detail that I do, but every second of the conversation is still in my brain - recorded in high quality content for posterity (hopefully - ha ha). We had been working toward this phone call for several months - ever since we found out that Liam's mom was pregnant again - but even so my husband and I weren't ready when it came! We had so much on our plates already with two rambunctious boys - but Bethanie and Karen and Diana were slowly working on us, getting us ready for the ultimate time when we would have to make a decision that would change the face of our family in a profound way.

That time came two years ago tomorrow. You called me to let me know that Elie had made her arrival in this world and that if everything went well with the hospital and her tests we would be clear to take her home the next day. That was such an emotional day. That phone call. Making that decision. I was so scared that by saying yes I was going to ultimately ruin the dynamics of my family because we were already so stretched with all of Liam's medical appointments and our hectic and crazy work schedules. But in the back of my mind I knew it was the right decision. I knew Elie belonged with us and with her brother.

So the next day Warren and I went to pick her up from the hospital to take her home. What had been a chaotic few months during the pregnancy was raised to new levels at the hospital as it ended up requiring security and two nurses herding us out a back entrance to my car due to the commotion going on on the labor and delivery floor with the biological mother. Maybe it's because her arrival was so insane, or maybe it's because she's a girl and just a little more relaxed and easy going than the boys are, but she has been by far and away the easiest child we've ever parented!

She was such a little peanut when she came to us - a mere five pounds and an extra ten ounces. But she was perfect. She fit right in to the Rosenberg clan immediately - and my husband and both of our sons were just as smitten with her as I was! These last two years have been hectic, crazy, insanely crazy and have gone by so quickly! I cannot believe my baby turns two tomorrow!!! Two!!! When did that happen??? I have watched her grow from such a little peanut into such a well... she's still a little, petite peanut, but she's also such a big girl too!

She is kind and caring and loves to play with her baby dolls, her brother's trains, purses, and dinosaurs. She loves to wear hats and headbands, and really loves bows though she still doesn't have enough hair to pull them off yet (much to my chagrin). She's sassy and independent and totally rules the house with her little shenanigans, and I'm quite sure that she's stolen the heart of every single person who has ever met her. She loves music - all kinds - though I'm trying very hard to cultivate an appreciation of all things 80's related and U2 and Yo Yo Ma (not necessarily in that order though).

I love watching her move - she still has a funny little side-to-side gait as she runs and her short little legs are still a bit bowed - but it makes me smile every time I see her running towards me to jump into my arms to give me a hug and a kiss. She wiggles all the time whether she's dancing or just impatient to get to the next cool thing, and she has the absolute best laugh ever! And she gives the best hugs too! I cannot even begin to tell you how much I simply love this little girl to pieces!!!

She came to us unconventionally for sure, but she was meant to be part of my family and I cannot imagine my life without her.

So thank you, Tenille! Thank you for making that crazy, emotional phone call! Thank you for giving me my girl, my munchkin, my mini-me, my heart! She has made my life richer in so many ways!

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you!!

Heather

Thank you to Placement - a letter I get to write each year

This is a letter I write each year to thank the man who placed Warren with me. It's a little different each year, but I cannot even begin to say how grateful I am for that telephone call five years ago!!!

Hi Steve,

Can you believe it's been five years since you called me to tell me Warren had been born? Well... technically... I'm two days early writing this email this year, but given that it's munchkin's birthday this weekend and the Purim Carnival, I won't be near a computer, and I wouldn't let this anniversary go by without expressing my eternal gratitude to you.

Five years ago this Sunday I was sitting on a conference call with my boss right beside me when I saw the placement phone number come up on my cell phone caller ID. It had been nearly four months since Evan and I had a child in our home. We had just returned from two weeks of back to back Jimmy Buffett concerts. But when that phone number flashed across my caller ID I knew it meant something important. I quickly dashed an email off to everyone in placement saying do not call another family... I'm calling right back as soon as I get off this conference call!

I remember every.single.moment. of that ten minute wait! I remember thinking how heart broken I would be if because I was stuck on a business call I couldn't answer the phone. But you waited for me. You waited for me! Do you know how different my life would be right now if you hadn't? I'm good at playing the "what if" game, but this is one time when I refuse to play it. My life is perfect. It is perfect because of this little boy who will turn five on Sunday.

Don't get me wrong. There are moments when I could pull my hair out. There are moments when I've had to call in reinforcements and put myself in a time out (ask my aunt... she'll confirm this). There are moments where at the end of the day I've put all the munchkins to bed and told my husband that I have to go out for an hour of quiet with no kids and no husband just to get over the crazy of that day.

But over all, things are perfect, because to me this perfectly crazy life is exactly what I am meant to have. I love when Warren comes into my room at 5 AM to snuggle up for the last few minutes before we have to get the day started (even if he does kind of have dragon breath first thing in the morning). I love that he peppers me with about five zillion questions in the 30 minutes it takes for us to get dressed, brush our teeth, get our shoes on and get to school (even if some of those questions are really hard to answer - I have no idea how this kid got to be so dadgum smart, but he really comes up with some humdingers). I love that he is hyper and fidgety and sometimes a little crazy during taekwondo (even though he does sometimes have to sit in timeout). And I love that he makes me read him "The Book With No Pictures" nine times a night (even though he has it memorized and can recite it himself). And I love singing Laila Tov to him right before bed (even though I can't carry a tune in a hand basket). I love that he smells like wet dog after he's been playing really hard. I love that his hair is crazy and looks slightly like Albert Einstein's hair. I love that his voice sounds like one of the Lollipop Guild Kids. I love that he has a "collection" of stuff under his pillow - like matchbox cars, books, snappy bracelets, and action figures. I love that he gets so excited when we get to go out for snooshis (sushi) because he gets to eat with chopsticks. But most of all, I love that he calls me mommy. When he puts his arms around my neck and whispers that I am the best mommy he has ever had, my whole world melts away and there is only him.

I know you guys love the work you do or you wouldn't do it. And I know you have some days where it gets really hard. But at the other end of the phone, you're changing the world. One kid at a time. One mom at a time. You made my life perfect. Just like Rachel did when she called me with Liam and Tenille did when she called me with Elie. So while this seems like so not enough, I will tell you thank you again! Thank you for my perfect little wild boy whom I love so much! I will tell you this every year until my dying day, because my life would be so meaningless without this little munchkin in it. ​ ​

Love,

Heather Rosenberg

A good weekend

I love weekends - but let's face it, most people do. They're the time I get to be away from my desk and with my family, and they're the time I get to use my creative brain to try new things out (like recipes, crafts, new techniques for getting my kids to listen to me?)... While I didn't do any significant crafting projects this weekend, I did try some new things out with the kiddos - notably practicing not repeating myself over and over again. I didn't have a ton of success, but I did have a lot less frustrations than on a "regular" weekend which means I am likely to try this experiment out a little longer to see if it's an anomaly or if it's truly working.
Let me back up a few frames though and talk about the day leading up to the weekend and why this is such a big step for me. If you know my family, you know that we've been working through some behavior issues with my oldest son. This child is incredibly smart, observant, crafty, and strong spirited. This combination will likely be a huge blessing for him when he gets older but for now is an incredibly difficult combination to parent. If you clearly establish the authority pattern with him from the onset and remain consistent with absolutely no chinks in the armor, he does much better. Unfortunately, I did not realize this as he was growing up and was much more of a laid back parent. I was not consistent in the application of the rules and was incredibly lenient in the application of corrective actions as well (a mistake I promise I am no longer making). The reasons behind my parenting folly are the subject of a future post, but for now we'll focus on the present.
Anyway - so we had some testing done with the school system because his preschool teacher had expressed some concerns also several months ago and we got all of the results back this past Thursday. I went to that appointment with a great deal of trepidation because I was quite certain the feedback was going to be all gloom and doom - especially given that the last few weeks have been quite challenging, behavior-wise. But we got in and as the psychology intern was going through all of the results, it quickly became apparent that we were likely not dealing with a major issue but rather one that with the consistent application of positive parenting techniques would likely disappear as our child grew and matured - that while his executive function was not fully matured as of now, that it likely would mature over the next few years and that he would gain more and more ability to exercise control over his temper and reactions to various stimuli. It was like a huge weight was being lifted from my shoulders!
I left that meeting on cloud nine. Seriously.
So I went to the grocery store to get the few items I still needed to finish up making lunches for the kids lunch boxes that day and went home and made a bazillion little heart shaped PB&J sandwiches. Yes. I was so excited I made PB&Js!

I went nuts, I know. Then I was on cloud nine for the rest of the weekend because all of the suddent, it appeared that if we made some minor course corrections to our own parenting techniques we'd be looking at a much different picture. So I wrote down a few things I'd gotten from our meeting and implemented them. What do you know, they worked!

So the weekend was actually much smoother than many I've had in the past. I give you photo evidence below:

We spend a good amount of the day at the Florida Museum of Natural History on Saturday for Children's Day. Thats' where we met Olaf and got our face painted. We did a little archaeology, got to lay down in a dug out canoe, got chased by an American Mastodon, and even got to learn how to hulahoop!

All in all, it was a fun weekend... we'll definitely try this a little longer to see if we continue to get awesome behavior!

A little more fun with photos

Aside from the fact that someone really needs to teach me how to use this stupid computer, I really enjoy trying to figure out HTML. Now if only I could figure out an easier way to get my photos to line up prettier...
After looking at these photos, you're going to think I only ever dress my children in red, but I don't! Honest!

This is Warren chasing me with his remote control helicopter. I managed to pluck it right out of the sky with my bare hands before he plowed it into my face! He thought that was pretty cool!

This is Liam at Momo's pizza last weekend. Momo's serves pizza slices as big as your head. He ate the whole dadgum thing! I swaer, if he had better balance and coordination I'd be convinced he was going to be a linebacker. But alas, he's a little uncorrdinated thing!

This is Liam doing some sensory play on day that was way too cold to be outside playing on the playset. He's doing so much better with sensory play and is really starting to blossom with his oral motor stuff too. I love the progress he's making!

This one is him playing with some playdoh while I was getting dinner ready. I don't think he was exactly happy with the texture and consistency of this one though.

This is another shot of Warren at Dorothy B Oven park a couple of weeks ago. We had fun that day - and I thought he looked super cute in this photo!

Fair warning - my husband got me a computer two years ago for my birthday and I still haven't learned how to use it. So these might not look great, but I thought you might like to see some photos of the munchkins as a break from all my ranting... I thought it would be nice for you to be able to appreciate the cuties I have to wrangle every day...

This is Elie. She is working on sensory play here since it was way too cold outside to go outside to do physical therapy.

Warren decided that snuggling in bed with me is way more fun than getting up to go to school. Who can refuse such a cutie?

This is a broccoli we grew in our backyard garden. It was delish! This is definitely one way to get your kids to eat their veggies!

Elie and I had an appointment at the doctor this day. She picked out her totally purple outfit to match her totally purple lunchbox, shoes and jacket. I promise, I don't do this. She does.

Mr. Adams took Warren under his wing before class to start teaching him how to sweep the floor! Yeah! I knew we loved Mr. Adams, but I didn't realize just how much I'd love him for teaching my child basic cleaning skills too! Warren usually doesn't get a pre-made yogurt. Normally I make them from the big tubs of plain greek yogurt I buy... today was a rare treat.
Okay - I confess. I am one of those moms who secretly loves the idea of her daughter wearing big bows and cute pigtails. So far those, my little munchkin has been lacking in the hair department. BUT!!! We finally got enough hair for a pony tail. It isn't much, but I'll take it!
These next few photos are of Liam and Elie playing at our friend Danny's house for Niegal's birthday party. They both LOVED the phony pony and Elie was booking it on teh tricycle! Go Elie Bean!
I had to bring Warren in to town for an appointment, so we stopped for a burger at Sonny's. He scarfed it down like no one's business - we also played a little at Dorothy B. Oven Park. He had a thing for trying to eat the candy canes and the snow flakes. Weird kid. I love him, but he's weird! :)