Trying not to get murderized by the boogie man

Evan left Monday to go down to Tampa to sit for the Bar Exam. I knew that I was going to miss him, but I also thought that I would have fun getting things done around the house while he was gone. Little did I know that the weather was going to conspire against me to make it no fun to be at home alone. Yes, I will readily admit that bad weather scares me, and that I am also afraid of the dark – sort of. I have no idea how I am going to teach my son that the dark is not scary when I have a hard time convincing myself of that very thing.

It all started out innocently enough. On the way home from picking up the baby from school, I decided to catch up with my friend Diva on the phone – I mean, it is a thirty minute ride home now after all, so I may as well use the time to good purpose, right? So I dial up Miss Diva and we start chatting about this and that. Turns out – she’s actually getting ready to move into her house finally (after something life fifty-five gazillion years). But she started telling me about the sounds she had heard while she was out at her property Sunday night and about how creepy it was to hear some poor little animal screeching in the night because some other larger, more agile animal was killing it – murderizing it is actually what she called it. She then proceeds to tell me (in detail) about how Wayne told her that this was a common thing to hear when you have a bit of land or live in the boonies and about how she even walked out of the house when she heard it happening because she thought she could save someone’s life (not realizing yet that it was an animal). I freaked out as she was telling me these things because I have this tendency to make stories seem worse than they are in my head – so that by the time I actually got home and pulled into the garage, I was somewhat afraid that as the garage door was slowly lowering to the ground something would dash in under the door and try to murderize me and the baby! It was an irrational fear, I know. But still – until the door clanged against the ground I was holding my breath a bit.

I managed to make it inside with the baby in tow, but the weather had decided to grow gloomy and ominous on me and I quickly ran from window to window shutting the curtains so that the bad weather boogies couldn’t get me either. The baby is probably convinced that I’m a little nutty now, but he didn’t let on if he thought that or not. I was able to get him his dinner and bath without incident, and when I put him down for night-night he didn’t even make a peep. But I think I kind of wanted him to so that he could keep me company until night-night time for me. Sigh. Is that what I’m reduced to now? Wanting an 11 month old to keep me company so the boogie man can’t come? Jeesh!

The next morning I had to take the garbage down to the curb – but it was still dark outside because I have to leave at the butt-crack of dawn now to get to work on time – and I was still afraid the boogie man was going to jump out of the shadows and murderize me. Somehow, I managed to summon the strength and will power to open the garage door and drag the can down to the curb at super lightening speed. I’m quite certain my new neighbors saw this fiasco and now think I’m touched in the head in some way – but oh well. The boogie man didn’t manage to catch me so I’m okay with being thought of as “that” woman in the neighborhood.

So last night the weather wasn’t as bad as it was Monday night, but we got home later than the night before because we had been in a meeting until 8:30. This time the baby was already asleep so I didn’t even have him to keep me company while I did the mad dash to the curb to pull up the can and around the house making sure the windows were all still closed. I put him to bed and did manage to keep myself occupied shopping on Amazon until I managed to get sleepy enough to fall asleep. We made it through two nights without getting murderized, but I certainly am glad that Evan will be home tonight! Who would ever have thought that I’d turn out to be such a whimp?

The sweetest day...

Some days are just destined to be beautiful. For me, today was one of those days. I got a call from my best friend yesterday telling me that she, her mom and one of the other of my “musketeers” would be calling on us to see the new house today. So I stayed up late last night doing the baby’s laundry and sorting out the clothes he can no longer wear. I thought I’d get around to cleaning the house a bit since we were going to have company, but I didn’t quite make it to that part. Evan decided he needed to day to study for the bar exam, so he was going to leave early in the morning to head over to campus to study. The baby had woken up at 3 am so he and I were snuggling together when I heard Evan getting ready to leave. I got up, made the baby a bottle (his last bottle ever by the way as we weaned him completely off them today), kissed my dear husband and sent him on his way and then settled in for a day at the house entertaining friends.

I finished up the laundry while the baby was playing with his books and the little cup thingies Miss Donna had given him at Christmas. We were listening to some music and enjoying chattering at each other and basically just chilling – which is something we never really get to do. Keli and Olivia got to the house first while the baby was having his lunch. I can’t believe how big Olivia has gotten – she’s only five, but you’d think from how grown up her speech is that she was six or seven! We talked for a bit and enjoyed each other’s company. Finally De and her mommy showed up – they are always late for everything because they just run on a different time zone! But we just got to relax and catch up with things that have been going on in each other’s lives – and we got to look at Keli and Marc’s wedding and honeymoon books – I’d forgotten how beautiful Keli’s wedding was!

While we were talking, Keli noticed what she thought was a chicken in our backyard. Turns out, Keli’s “chicken” was really an enormous hawk. We all had a nice little laugh at how she confused the two – you’d have to know Keli to really understand just how funny this was. Apparently since we live in the boonies now, farm animals are expected! But her little discovery led us to go outside – we’ve lived here for almost a month now and I haven’t taken the baby into the backyard yet! But we had fun exploring and the baby even got to chasse the doggie a bit – though I will admit my 14 year old doggie was not thrilled at being chased by an energetic one year old!!!

After a bit of talking all of the girls decided it was time for lunch, so we packed up and headed over to Beef O’Brady’s for some yummy victuals. It was just so nice to have such a relaxing time with my girlfriends. We were cracking up at how funny the baby was being and at Miss Olivia declaring that he was her baby now! She’s so ready for a little sibling! After lunch Keli and Olivia had to head out so Olivia could go to her Granny’s house. Mom and De were going to look at a new piece of land near De’s new house, and the baby was rubbing his eyes because it was past his nap time. He hugged on Monkey McGee for a minute before turning over and falling sound asleep. I got to talk to my aunt for a few minutes and then I even fell asleep in the recliner while I was gazing out on the backyard. The baby and I napped for about an hour and a half – I hardly ever get to take a nap on the weekend!

We were so well rested after our naps that we decided to venture into town to meet my aunt for dinner. The baby loves seeing his grandma! We had such a nice evening together – the baby flirted with five different tables of people at Cabo’s. He was super intent on watching these two younger men in their twenties – even the guys noticed him watching them. I said I thought he was trying to hang out with the guys for a bit! Ha! Then when they left, he started goo-gooing with two younger women at another booth. An older couple was having a bit of fun with his antics and even a foursome of biker-types had a little fun making faces at him. It was really just such a fun evening!

We ended up stopping off at Wal Mart on the way home to get some more clothes hangers for his armoire – but really I ended up buying him shoes, some bubbles and a pair of socks for me too. When I got home Evan hopped down on the floor and started playing so sweetly with the baby. I even had a package waiting on me from Wyoming. I love, love, love getting little packages from Wyoming because I know they have little things from my favorite little girl! Miss Emma had made me a card that said “I love you” and her mommy crocheted the most beautiful little heart garland strand for me! I put the heart garland on my memories table and the card in proudly displayed on the fridge for now but will go into a frame as soon as I get one for it.

The baby had his nighttime milk and we rocked for a bit before he toddled over to his daddy to give him kisses before going night night. I love watching the two of them play together. So I scooped little man up to put him to bed and just hugged him and told him how much I love him and he hugged me back so sweetly. We could hear him chatting away to Monkey McGee until he nodded off to sleep. And then Evan headed off to bed and I surfed the web for a bit listening to my favorite versions of One Love and Ilo Ferriera’s Lifeline.

It’s so easy to remember how blessed I am on days like today. I need to remember how to hold on to the sweetness of days like today to get me through the days when it’s hard to remember how good I have it.

Just another day...

Lately I've realized that I spend more of my time spinning my wheels than I do actually getting anywhere, and the frustration I have felt as a result of all of this wheel spinning has seeped into every aspect of my life. This ever present frustration is causing me to feel stress over teensy little things that really should never even make it to my "real" radar. So I've finally decided that it's time for this to change.

I really do have a lot of neat attributes that make me an interesting person - but the AHDH chaos of my day-to-day life makes me hide these things beneath the ever-growing pile of "to-do's" on my work-a-day white board list. In fact, most people who meet me now never see the witty, happy, free-spirited person that I was just a few short years ago. Instead, what they meet is the hunched over, coffee gulping, finger tapping, leg bouncing, gotta get it done monster that took over my former self's body. I mean seriously, some days there just isn't enough Adderall in the whole world to calm the inner monster in me down.

I remember there was a time when I had oodles of time on my hands, and I had no regrets over how I spent that time. If I decided I wanted to go out after work and dance and drink until my legs or my guts couldn't take it anymore I made no bones about doing that very thing. There were days when I swear I wasn't even sobered up yet when it was time to go to work again - but those days are long gone and have since been replaced by the incessant need to constantly be doing something productive. Little projects around the house were the first things that started vampiring my time away. A flower garder here, a painted wall there...

Before long, it was crafting. I needed to have some outlet to make me feel like my time was being well spent. But I'm really not that creative when it comes to arts and crafts - I can copy other's ideas, but really I don't have any of my own. So crafting started to become more of a drag than an outlet for free time. Yet... somehow the lure of Michael's or Joanne's still called to me. Trust me. If you look at any of my closets, you will see that I likely have thousands of dollars worth of crafting equipment. I even lent my Cricuit to a lady in one of my sewing classes and forgot about it. It's a sickness I think.

Crafting led to baking. If I can't do something with paper, I can definitely do it with sugar and butter and flour. I am a great cook and I love to bake... so naturally when I decided to get married I had to learn how to make my own wedding cake. And here I went again... hundreds if not a thousand or two dollars later, I have pans and gadgets and gizmos - yet since I can no longer fit into my cute clothes, baking is off limits to me. Since I can't bake - maybe I should sew?

I signed up for sewing classes and like the class suck up made 8 quilts where everone else was lucky to have finished one. Now I own a sewing machine and all sorts of gadgets and gizmos and fabric galore, but I haven't finished a sewing project in months.

So here's my deal - I've decided that after this month I will start working on my projects again. Why am I giving myself the rest of the month off? Because we need to finish moving out of the old house so that I can clean and repair it to rent it out. I think it'll take three more weekends of little projects and it'll be ready to pawn off on some other poor unsuspecting schmuck! bwahahahahaha.

Then all the gadgets and gizmos at my new house better be prepared for the return of the old me! White board or no... I will get these projects out of my head for once and for all!

Trying to be better

When I started this blog, I had these great plans of writing every day and eventually compiling all of my writing into something meaningful to me. But it very quickly became apparent that I was not anywhere near dedicated enough or disciplined enough to accomplish my original goal. But with the new year here, I think I am going to try to be better. Especially since the whole purpose of writing this originally was to share my experiences and stories as a foster mom so that other foster parents could see that they were not going through hard times alone.

That being said - new posts coming soon!

Why I love my co-workers and workplace

This is a letter I sent to all of our employees here about some experiences I have since I started my new job:

Good Thursday morning to everyone!

While I know that the fourth quarter is not yet upon us – though it is rapidly approaching – I thought I would take a moment to share a story with everyone about a uplifting experience I recently had with one of our clients. While this is really the first work place some of you have called home, those of us who have been in the workforce a little longer understand that not all companies have the same attitude of doing right by their client and their employees, nor do all companies actively try to cultivate a work environment that helps the people working in that environment want to be the best that they can be (yes, I stole the Army’s slogan – I think they’ll understand this time). The short story I am about to share should help get everyone excited about the fourth quarter C.A.R.E. theme of Excellence as well as highlight something that I truly thought was a wonderful testament to our culture, the MCCi Family and our commitment to being the best at what we do!

With Laura’s move down to Wellington, I have had the opportunity lately to interact with many of the clients who use to send their information for the MuniScan department to Laura. Two days ago, I received an email through her old email address from ***Name Redacted*** from the ***Name Redacted*** asking to upload something to the town’s website. I replied back to her letting her know that Laura had a fabulous opportunity come her way, that she had taken it, had moved, and was no longer with us, but that Paige would now be her contact for that kind of information. I explained that Paige was a terrific person to work with and would make sure that all of her needs were met. I also told her that she would really like Paige because she’s friendly, hard working, and easy to get along with. I didn’t expect the kind of reply that I received next!

Ms. ***Name Redacted*** replied saying that she would be happy to send future requests to Paige and she was sure that it would be great working with her since she knew she was going to be in capable hands because every single time she had ever worked with anyone from MCCi that she received very good customer service. Do you know how AWESOME that is to read about the company you’re working for? Let me tell you why I think this is so incredible –

In four of my former positions, I have had to be the person on the receiving end of the types of services we offer here many, many times. I can count on two fingers how many companies I can say I actually enjoyed working with on a regular basis. That number is reduced by half if you were to ask me how many companies I enjoyed working with every single time I had interactions with them. I came to work for that company four months ago. The plain truth of the matter is that the vast majority of businesses out there simple do not understand that while clients are important in order to bring in money, it is the employees that are the life blood of the business because it is the employees who interact with the clients. If the employees aren’t giving their best performance every single time they interact with the clients then the reputation of the company begins to falter and slip. I tell you this because I believe that every single person in this organization played a vital role in providing the excellent customer service to Ms. ***Name Redacted*** that allowed her to trust me implicitly when I told her that Paige would make sure that all of her needs would be met.

• I have heard the interactions Will and Alexis have had with their customers and have thought every single time that I am so lucky to work with account managers who are so incredibly passionate about helping the clients use their products more efficiently.

• I have seen the correspondence between clients and Hilda, James, Russ, Logan and Freddy and am truly excited for us because I know in my head and also in my heart that our account executives are out there working hard to help our governmental units work more efficiently to deliver the essential services their citizens so desperately need and deserve.

• I have seen the dedication that Paige and Lori and LA and Tonia and Tia have poured into their work in getting all of the work in the MuniScan department scanned in efficiently and correctly and delivered back to the client quickly. I have enjoyed seeing the dynamic in that department and the true camaraderie they share as they whittle down box after box of work!

• I have heard Joe and Robert on support calls patiently and thoroughly guiding the client to a solution the client can understand and be happy with and read the emails from clients praising Kyle (I haven’t hear Kyle because he’s in Texas). I have seen Michael Widner slaving over his four monitors coding away and making integrations work flawlessly and seamlessly for hours on end. I have seen the emails from the clients who have dealt with Rigo or Scott and are so pleased with the level of service and knowledge they gained from them during and after implementation. I have seen Doug work tirelessly to make sure that every client is happy with the support and service his department gives.

• I have seen the enthusiasm that Christie brings to her work every day and have even been on the receiving end of her excitement about something new or cool or neat about one of our clients or products. I have been grateful to know that Donny truly believes in me and trusts that I will grow into the role I have taken on and make it even better, and that he even cares about me developing my own abilities even more.

This stuff is truly neat stuff to see happening in any business – especially in a for-profit business where, in many cases, the focus tends to be on cutting corners to save money regardless of whether the clients or the staff are well served or not – but it’s super exciting to see it happening here and to know that I get the privilege of being a part of it. When I think about Ms. Lunceford’s email, I can’t help but think about the things I have told other people about my job here at MCCi – I tell people about the level of EXCELLENCE each person here brings to the table every single day, and about how it’s nice to work in an environment where I know without a doubt that someone will always have my back! I tell people that I am truly happy again and that it is super refreshing to know that I like going to work each day (even on the days when things get trying).

It’s easy to forget the good stuff we see or experience when things get busy and time starts to get away from us – that’s just part of the human experience. But as we move into the fourth and final quarter of 2010, I hope everyone will take a moment to recognize the excellence all around us here at MCCi, and to savor the moment knowing that it is truly a wonderful place that each of us is helping to shape with every one of our actions. We have a fantastic staff of dedicated, enthusiastic, wonderful people who I am truly blessed to know. Let’s recognize that excellence in ourselves and also in our client base and make this upcoming quarter a super fantastic quarter of true excellence!

Thank you to each of you for all of your hard work and dedication to doing a job well and with enthusiasm and commitment!

Can you tell I really like my new environment? :)

It's not much, but it's what I know...

I’m driving down Tharpe Street today on my way to meet my husband for dinner when I start thinking about my little sister (the older little sister), and about how I miss her so much some times. For those who don’t know me very well, I have three siblings. I am the oldest by almost eleven years, so that by the time the first little sister was born, I was already pretty old(ish). And then when my brother was born, I was already a teenager, and by the time the youngest one was born I was already out of the house (thankfully)! So there I was driving along thinking about how even though there are a lot of years between us, and I love her like crazy, I’ve always been slightly jealous of her (a: because she got the cool name; and b: because she is a much better writer than I am; and c: because she can draw and is really funny). And thinking of my jealously made me laugh because usually the little sisters are the ones who are supposed to be jealous of the older sisters… not the other way around. And that got me to thinking about how our lives are now and how hard we try sometimes to have a relationship and how hard it is to have said relationship because of the years and miles between us. But mostly, what I think of is how things were when we were kids and how much I hate that life happened the way that it did to bring us to where we are now. I guess I think about this stuff because as a foster mom, I constantly am reminded of how awful people can be to their children, and the good Lord knows my mom and her dad were awful to us when we were kids.

I think my little trip down memory lane today was triggered by the fact that my son has been giving me a hard time the last couple of nights going to sleep. He’s apparently decided that bedtime is optional – and for a four month old I just don’t think that optional bedtimes are acceptable. Anyway, I started thinking about how when little sister was about three years old she started going through a phase where she didn’t want to take naps. But when I had to babysit (which was pretty much all the time) I wanted her to take naps so that I could play records and chill out (remember… I was only thirteen at the time). So when she would try to get up out of her bed and come bother me (which is what I thought she was doing back then) I’d trot her right back into the bedroom and put her right back into bed – and then I’d “trick” her into staying in bed by covering her up with every single one of her stuffed animals and then running my finger over her eyebrows until she got sleepy enough to stay asleep.

This one little memory made me realize just how much of my childhood I had tried to forget over the years and a lot of stuff came flooding back into my brain that I thought I had safely compartmentalized and locked away. This one little memory made me start thinking about our Grammy and Grampy’s house in Wildwood and about the day little sister was born and about the house on Chuli Nene and about the time little sister ran away and showed up on my doorstep. And I realized that I was going through these memories like little mini flashbacks that were quick in my head but so freaking detailed that I almost felt like I was going back in time.

In the span of five minutes and four miles, I had managed to remember teensy little details like the color of the shag carpeting in the sewing room of my Grammy’s house, which led me to remembering the earliest of my memories about my mother and father which was of them fighting at my Grammy’s while we were visiting (I think I was about five). I remembered the sound of surprise my mother made when we awoke one morning to find that my little sister had decided to “cook” in the middle of the night and had laid out all of the ingredients for omelets and all of the kitchen utensils on the floor in the family room of the trailer we lived in – I think she even “scrambled” the eggs (little sister was about three years old I think). I remembered the day I came home from a visit with my Grandma and brought back some cool makeup how mad I was when I found little sister in the bathroom unceremoniously dumping all of my new makeup down the bathroom sink – the smell of the toner she was dumping out was incredibly strong in my nose (I was maybe fourteen). And then I remembered how excited I was to learn that someone figured out little sister and little brother belonged to me after they had been “kidnapped” by their dad and lost to me for so many years – I could almost taste the salt from my tears on my cheeks (I was in my twenties when they were “found” and they were five and three when he took them).

So in this short drive, a lot of little things came into my head. I realized that many of the issues little sister(s), little brother and I had as children were things that were repeating themselves in homes all around the world. The emotions and agonies we’ve experienced over the years are nothing any more special than those of other families who’ve been torn apart by life, but somehow, subconsciously (possibly) I found myself trying to heal the wounds of my past by becoming a foster mom. Some people turn to booze or drugs to self medicate… apparently I turn to emotional turmoil to help soothe myself.

My little sister has been dealing with some pretty powerful stuff… and from a thousand miles away, it’s hard to try to help. But I guess I’ve been dealing with some pretty powerful stuff, too, as evidenced by my little flashback montage today – but I’ve dealt with it by trying to fix other people’s stuff (it’s easier to fix someone else’s stuff than your own I reckon). My sister has been dealing with her stuff by putting it on paper – this wonderful mix of words and drawings that make the awful so much more deal with-able. And once again, I find myself jealous of her because she can put into words and pictures what I can’t, and I want to be able to do that so badly. So I guess since I can’t get my stuff out on paper as well I’ do what I can do and just go “trick” my son into falling asleep by rubbing his eyebrows like I used to do for little sister (it is, after all, way past his bedtime)… it’s not much, but it’s what I know I can do. :)

A Whole New World...

Well… I now know that my life is truly different than it was 9 weeks ago… turns out we had a snake back behind our building; and, because it’s a slow day everyone had to go look at the snake, of course. So we’re all (and I do mean all – you’d have thought it was a goober convention) outside watching this racer snake hanging out on the tree limb of the dogwood behind the building. It was such a pretty little snake (if there is such a thing), and it’s such a nice day out that you would have thought it was something right out of National Geographic… but then someone (me) realized that we’re in the South and decided it would be a good idea to throw a pine cone at the snake. (Yes… I’m that smart)

So I pick up a pine cone and toss it at said snake. And dang… for a girl… I can throw! Bulls eye!!! That snake turned its pretty little head and looked right at me. If he could talk I know he would have been saying “hey lady… I’m hanging out here… what gives?” or something like that. But other than look at me, nothing happens. So, even though I’m terrified of snakes, I’m kind of disappointed. I mean, seriously, I would have thought that my bull’s eye throw would have knocked that snake’s world and sent him at least chasing something! So I lean down to get another pine cone and hear someone behind me doing the yippee dance of someone being bombarded by something… I look up in time to see Laura, our sales support fabulous wonderstar, dancing in place because something had bitten her. Right about that time, the Mensa convention of genius minds that had gathered to watch a snake in the back realized that they were standing in the middle of a ground hornet’s nest! Oh my Gosh… you’d have thought we all lost our minds. Now when I write this next part… I want you to envision a classroom of three year olds screaming and jumping and running like little mad men… We all start running towards the back door of the building… every one of us whooping and dancing so as not to attract the bees (yeah… that totally works). Everyone except Will and me makes it in okay, and then the mad rush of angry bees makes a whoosh.

I manage to make it into the building but because LA had bees up her pants, she had stopped in the middle of the MuniScan office and started stripping down. Paige calls out to Will “Don’t come in ‘cuz LA’s takin’ her pants off”. So Will’s stuck outside with the bees and finally he decides to run to the front of the building to come in the front door. I’m trying to breathe because LA’s antics are cracking me up – even though in the back of my mind I’m wondering and hoping that she’s not allergic to bees. I hear Laura ask Paige for a cigarette and that was just enough to make me lose it completely… it was all too surreal and too funny. (The cigarette was not to smoke, of course, it was to use the tobacco to draw out the poison from the sting – but it was great timing).

All said and done, LA got stung like 5 times on her legs and hand and Laura got stung once on her ankle. We had to call Mr. Jimmy to let him know about the nest – and Lord don’t you know him listening to the story of how we found it had to be kind of funny. I stuck my head out around the corner a few minutes ago to see if the bees were still in a tizzy… and they were calmed down by then, but that snake was still up in his branch just hanging out, enjoying the sunshine. I think he might have gotten the last laugh on this one!

This would never have happened at my old job... we would have had a procedure in place for how to handle a snake in a tree!